The Expert (Short Comedy Sketch)

The Expert (Short Comedy Sketch)


Our company has a new strategic initiative to increase market penetration, maximise brand loyalty, and enhance intangible assets. In pursuit of these objectives, we’ve started a new project — for which we require 7 red lines. I understand your company can help us in this matter. Of course! Walter here will be the Project Manager. Walter, we can do this, can’t we? Yes, of course. Anderson here is our expert in all matters related to drawing red lines. We brought him along today to share his professional opinion. Nice to meet you! Well, you all know me. This is Justine, our company’s design specialist. Hallo… We need you to draw seven red lines. All of them strictly perpendicular; some with green ink and some with transparent. Can you do that? No. I’m afraid we — Let’s not rush into any hasty answers, Anderson! The task has been set and needs to be carried out. At the end of the day, you are an expert. The term “red line” implies the colour of the line to be red. To draw a red line with green ink is — well if it is not exactly impossible, then it is pretty close to being impossible. What does it even mean: “impossible”? I mean, it is quite possible that there are some people, say suffering from colour blindness, for whom the colour of the lines doesn’t really make a difference. But I am quite sure that the target audience of your project does not consists solely of such people. So in principle this is possible. I’ll simplify. A line as such can be drawn with absolutely any ink. But if you want to get a red line, you need to use red ink. What if we draw them with blue ink? It still won’t work. If you use blue ink, you will get blue lines. And what exactly did you mean, when you talked about the transparent ink? How to better explain? I’m sure you know what “transparent” means? Yes, I do. And what a “red line” means, I hope I don’t need to explain to you? Of course not. Well… You need to draw red lines with transparent ink. Could you describe what you imagine the end result would look like? C’mon, Anderson! What do we have here, kindergarten? Let’s not waste our time with these unproductive quarrels. The task has been set; the task is plain and clear. Now, if you have any specific questions, go ahead! You’re the expert here! Alright, let’s leave aside the colour for the moment. You had something there also relating to perpendicularity?.. Seven lines, all strictly perpendicular. To what? Erm, to everything. Among themselves. I assumed you know what perpendicular lines are like! Of course he does. He’s an expert! Two lines can be perpendicular. All seven can’t be simultaneously perpendicular to each other. I’ll show you. This is a line, right? Yes. And another one. Is it perpendicular to the first line? Well… Yes, it is perpendicular. Exactly! Wait, wait, I’m not done. And a third one: is it perpendicular to the first line? Yes, it is! But it doesn’t cross the second line. They’re both parallel. Not perpendicular! I suppose so. There it is. Two lines can be perpendicular — Can I have the pen? How about this? This is a triangle. It’s definitely not perpendicular lines. And there are three, not seven. Why are they blue? Indeed. Wanted to ask that myself. I have a blue pen with me. This was just a demonstration — That’s the problem, your lines are blue. Draw them with red ink! It won’t solve the problem. How do you know before you’ve tried? Lets draw them with red ink and then let’s see. I don’t have a red pen with me, — but I am completely certain that with red ink the result will still be the same. Didn’t you tell us earlier that you can only draw red lines with red ink? In fact, yes, I’ve written it down here! And now you want to draw them with a blue ink. Do you want to call these red lines? I think I understand. You’re not talking about the colour now, right? You’re talking about that, what do you call it: per-per, dick-dick — Perpendicularity, yes! That’s it, now you’ve confused everyone. So what exactly is stopping us from doing this? Geometry. Just ignore it! We have a task. Seven red lines. It’s not twenty; it’s just seven. Anderson, I understand; you’re a specialist of a narrow field, you don’t see the overall picture. But surely it’s not a difficult task to draw some seven lines! Exactly. Suggest a solution! Any fool can criticise, no offence, but you’re an expert, you should know better! OK. Let me draw you two perfectly perpendicular red lines, — and I will draw the rest with transparent ink. They’ll be invisible, but I’ll draw them. Would this suit us? Yes, this will suit us. Yes, but at least a couple with green ink. Oh, and I have another question, if I may. Can you draw one of the lines in the form of a kitten? A what? In the form of a kitten. Market research tells our users like cute animals. It’d be really great if — No-oh… Why? Look, I can of course draw you a cat. I’m no artist, but I can give it a try. But it won’t be a line any more. It will be a cat. A line and a cat: those are two different things. A kitten. Not a cat, but a kitten. It’s little, cute, cuddly. Cats, on the other hand — It doesn’t make a difference. Anderson, at least hear her out! She hasn’t even finished speaking, and you’re already saying “No!” I got the idea, but it is impossible to draw a line in the form of a cat…ten. What about a bird? So, where did we stop? What are we doing? Seven red lines, two with red ink, two with green ink and the rest – with transparent. Did I understand correctly? —
— Yes. Excellent! In which case that’s everything, right? Oh, oh, I almost forgot, we also have a red balloon. Do you know if you could inflate it? What do I have to do with balloons? It’s red. Anderson, can you or can you not do this? A simple question. As such, I can of course, but — Excellent. Organise a business trip, we’ll cover the expenses, — go over to their location, inflate the balloon. Well this was very productive, thank you all! Can I ask one more question, please? When you inflate the balloon, could you do it in the form of a kitten? Of course I can! I can do anything, I can do absolutely anything. I’m an expert!

88 thoughts on “The Expert (Short Comedy Sketch)

  1. Check out the new episodes of The Expert: Square Project!
    http://bit.ly/SquareProjectEp1
    http://bit.ly/SquareProjectEp2
    http://bit.ly/SquareProjectEp3

  2. This is so GREAT! That's exactly how i feel at work! A bunch of complete dangerous incompetent fools who are trying to tell me what to do when no one makes sense… I love it!!! 😉

  3. I can't believe I"ve never seen this before. I absolutely loved it and hated it at the same time. I was laughing, but oh man, the reality of it really hits home. Great job!

  4. This is not a comedy sketch. This is what i face everyday. Evolution is selective breading now for this …i dont know how to describe it. Abstract literal logic as apposed to the previous fact and memory based logic. There is simply no need for rational minds anymore rather reactionary people locked in perminant cycle of psudo productivity that functions just as productivity did as unbeknown to them they are not needed at all and roles and status purely virtualisation based on personal attractivness and attitude in sync with virtual system. Unbeknownst to these people their jobs have all been automated and are purely acting out cultural forelea as only the superficial appearance of that role matters. The winners in this system are either those with the best performance skills or those that realise the context is virtual and thus are unneffected by role based attempts to dominate them. The thinking person on verge of extinction who can not or will not play this game must develope zero respect for any level of authority and with little else to do take up an anthropological curiosity in these ape like creatures, thus creating a detatchment effect and retaining quite literal sanity as their species dies out and the ground work is laid for the joining of biological technological organisms. Curiosity is and always has been the last best resort of the thinking mind. You can not beat them. It is inevitable. Technology and aitomatiln has made thinking obsolete.

  5. It also can be considered as a cult initiation. Everyone talks nonsese and you pass the test if you stop fighting them with logic and begin to talk as they do. The real process is designed the expert to take to role of expert and thus the team have met the productivity criteria of unloaded responsibilty. It is indeed interesting to consider this process as absyract responsibility management and not as the logical mind would, the process of getting something done. Rather than shuffling papers the beurocracy is in the business of compartmentalising responsibility packaging it and associating it with the most external members of the team thus forfilling survival of the fitest criteria as primary risk is with expert and the core team can bring in unlimited experts from outside as disposable. To pass this test the expert must stop fighting start lying and accept god status thus easy scape goat and as no clear instructions were given can be sacked sued inprisoned or executed later depending on project. Lesson of story. Do not be expert.

  6. It is said that big suceeders are always sociopaths. What you have is 4 sociopaths and one norm and they will eat him given the chance. You make think the 4 sociopaths have different teaits but this is not true. The have differnt costumes and petformances. All are in the profession of performance. As i have alreaded said the only management here is virtual. Non of the sociopaths have a role beyond the management of responsibility. To a sociopath that is something to a norm it is nothing. Afacinating sketch on human evolution really.

  7. I once spent a day interviewing people for a female only job. Men applied for it that we had to interview even though they could not be given the job, but we could not say it. At the end of the day my boss said he had already decided who was going to get the job.

  8. I'm here in 2019 to ask how so many people thought sandra drew a triangle, I thought they made it clear they were drawing perpendicular lines.

  9. Speaking from experience, promise the client nothing, deliver the requirements as best you can and let the people that promised something that was undeliverable fight it out with the client. Most of the time you can't stop it blowing up, they won't listen until it's too late. The bean counters only understand when shit finally does hit the fan. Usually, they've bounced to a new job before they get caught anyway and the experts have to pick up the pieces. Don't be an expert kids, 1/10th of the company ends up doing 90% of the work and get blamed when it all goes tits up.

  10. Some people in the comments section haven't understood the clip, that's why they are giving negative comments. Personally this is the best Video I have ever seen because I can relate.

  11. Not to get all completely nerdy, but technically, you can draw 7 lines perpendicular to each other, if you draw them in 7 dimensions. I don't even know what that would really look like since we live in 3 dimensional space… but it's possible.

  12. Little did they know the boss is an ex-red lines expert and he is completely aware that the task is impossible but he also sees the "big picture", which is that their clients have no idea and will be happy with whichever result, so he pushes for everyone in the meeting to agree to the project and pay. He can then either change the deliverables mid-way to adjust them to a more feasible result or deliver a completely different result and then convince the client that the result was indeed what they asked for using a pretty keynote and colofrul graphics full of percentages, YoY comparisons and market analysis slides. At the end he got the money, the client is happy and he got a big fat salary check. He understands it's not about what the client asks for, but about what the client feels they get at the end. That is why he is the boss and the other loser is "the expert".

  13. Or, as Charles Bukowski would put it…

    “The problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubts, while the stupid ones are full of confidence.”

  14. What a fantastic performance. Brilliant. It’s sad that corporate life has so many irrelevant and useless things aligned to just what was portrayed. And if you question it. You’re the road block, the problem, the one who is not a team player! Wow!

  15. I’ve been to this version of hell before. The aggressive ignorance coupled with condescension is what gives you that pure sense of torment.

  16. THIS IS MY LIFE – like, seriously, every single day I have to deal with situations, with people like this – sometimes I feel like I'm going crazy, other times only sane person on the planet

  17. The converse it's also true… experts keep saying something is impossible to do and then comes Elon Musk or Steve Jobs….

  18. When the poll came up I voted seven perpendicular lines because I thought this would be a joke poll where pl took the wrong one on purpose.
    Now I just look stupid, thank you internet

  19. This is the perfect example of how people who think they know what they are talking about, assume they know more than the experts.

  20. these comedy sketches are pretty triggering.
    it took me a few different tries to finally find the humor.

    i still feel like i dont want to hurt myself though.

  21. When this video came out, I found it hugely funny. After a couple of years in the industry, it makes me anxious.

  22. Solution 1: Use a green/blue coloured ink that when cured or through some other reaction, turns red.
    Solution 2: First draw 2 lines that are perpendicular to each other. a third line can be drawn perpendicular to each of these in 3-d space. It isn't possible to add another line that would be perpendicular to each of these lines in 3-d space but by adding more dimensions, you can add more line that are perpendicular to each previous line.
    Solution 3: Draw a kitten using a single line in a dimension such that the line does not infringe on the other dimensions. As such, the line remains perpendicular to the other lines.

    Yes, I'm overanalyzing it but think of it this way. I'm an expert. If the man in the video really was an expert, he would have thought of this.

  23. That look on his face in the last panel…
    "I'm going to kill all of you. I am going to steal everything you have. "

  24. The seven lines can be drawn on the plane of the red baloon, possibly in a way where the majority of them are perpendicular to at least one other line. The green ink can be used on the red balloon to draw the red lines through negative space. Then draw a kitten with the transparent ink.

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