Kitty Flanagan #3 – 2017 Opening Night Comedy Allstars Supershow

Kitty Flanagan #3 – 2017 Opening Night Comedy Allstars Supershow


I used my break wisely Made some more calls and turns out I’m not just angry Also, unromantic is another problem Another issue, and that is actually true, I don’t even mind saying that There’s a couple of words I can’t say Will never say, doesn’t matter how long I’ve been going out with someone I’m going to say the words for you now But I want the understanding that I would never say these words for real right I can’t say this. Ever. I can’t say… make love Do you want to make love? do you want to make beautiful sweet love? Oh god I want to make some love to you I just want to make love If anyone ever says that to me “do you wanna make love?” I go “Eugh, not anymore” *laughter* Oh, what was that sound? That was the sound of my vagina snapping shut ‘Make love’, who says that for real? that’s something they just say in the movies, I reckon You don’t hear that in real life It’s like, I don’t reckon anyone showers like they do in the movies either Real people don’t shower like this That is not how real people shower and when I see that in the movies I get distracted I can’t even watch the film anymore I can’t concentrate because i’m going What are you doing? Oh my god! Why are you wetting your hair? That’s never going to dry! You’ll never be ready! What are you doing? and what is this? What are you polishing? How dirty is your forehead? What are you doing? get in there! A bit of this, a bit of this, a bit of this I think you know my rules. Don’t go too hard down there. No scouring Obviously gentlemen, different rules for you Grab a scour from the kitchen and go as hard as you like back there At the source Something else that you’ll only ever see in movies and not in real life You know when the couple have been upstairs and, um, yeah it’s pretty clear they’ve made some beautiful sweet love and then the woman gets out of bed But she doesn’t put her own clothes back on, she doesn’t put on a robe She puts on his shirt because that’s so god damn sexy She puts on his white business shirt and then she comes downstairs and she’s going to cook her man some dinner Because he’s worked really hard making love to her So before she can start cooking dinner Because you know what she’s going to cook up? She’s going to cook up a big pot of spaghetti sauce Oh, don’t love the spaghetti sauce in the American films When I say a big pot, I mean a giant f*ck off vat of the stuff You know that enormous pot they’re always cooking in? Where anyone that actually cooks is looking at it going “Jesus Christ how many can’s of tomatoes does it take to fill that?” That’s 12 cans in there! How many people is she cooking for? And she can’t even start cooking until she put some music on They always have to put some music on don’t they? Like some Latin rhythms so she can be doing sexy dancing while she’s cooking Oh my god I’m so sexy, I’m so hot like the music But if they don’t put on Latin rhythms Do you know they put on? Jazz Yeah! Skipity bop bop, skipty boo, scat dat da Jazz oh don’t they love the Jazz in the American flims No one puts on Jazz in real life Do you know why? Because 10 minutes after you put it on you’re over here going “Why am I angry? Oh it’s that f*cking music” Skipity bop bop, skipty boo, scat dat da, scat scat scat Jesus Christ jazz musicians – all together or not at all ay? Come on! You’re suppose to be the best in the world sounds like sh*t to me But anyway, she puts the skipity bop bop music on Then she starts cooking her pot of spaghetti sauce and she’s stiring away and then he comes downstairs Now interesting, he doesn’t come down wearing her clothes does he? No He comes down in a towel Comes up behind her, grabs her on the hips Has a bit of a sway Skipity bop bo boo, yeah She’s stirring the pot Has bit of a nuzzle on the neck And then she decides to give him a taste On the big spoon Because that’s so goddamn sexy “What do you think honey?” Needs more basil? Does he f*cking know? Apparently she’s just picked up Jamie Oliver in the bar Just one time could we see the real scene Where the woman gets out of bed Puts on a robe, ties it up nice and tight Because no one in their right mind cooks spaghetti sauce in a white shirt That’s just stupidity Comes downstairs, starts cooking up her a spaghetti sauce In the right sized pot Which is the medium everybody knows that Because you’ve gotta save the big pot for when you do the pasta It’s just common sense, right So she’s cooking her spaghetti sauce In the medium sized pot She’s got all her Tupperware containers laid out so she can store leftovers in the freezer for meals later on in the week It makes good sense You know that And then he comes downstairs Now in real life he comes downstairs wearing a bintang singlet and no underpants He comes up behind her and he grabs her on the hips and he goes for a bit of a sway mmm yeah Bit of a nuzzle on the neck and she’s there like this Can you get on the other side of the bench? Jesus Christ, I can not cook with your dick in my back

21 thoughts on “Kitty Flanagan #3 – 2017 Opening Night Comedy Allstars Supershow

  1. I have never heard of this woman but accidently stumbled upon her , she is a lovely looking lady and bloody funny too LOL

  2. Love kitty. She has been a funny staple on Aussie tele since i was young, yet still seems to be the same age today πŸ˜€

    Also, you can explain to my hubby why we will be having pasta again tomorrow.

  3. I'm putting Latin rhythms and jazz in real life every time when I'm doing something!

    In fact, I listen to Salsa radio just at this moment typing this comment and dancing with my feet under the table.

    Am I broken?

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