CGR Undertow – HELLO KITTY KRUISERS review for Nintendo Wii U

CGR Undertow – HELLO KITTY KRUISERS review for Nintendo Wii U


Listen, I’ve got nothing against mobile games.
I like mobile games. I like mobile games less when they’re ported to consoles. And believe
it or not, yes—that’s what we’ve come to. Hello Kitty Kruisers is basically the same
on the Wii U…as it is in the App Store. Welcome to 2014. It’s Hello Kitty Kruisers, for the iPa—err,
Nintendo Wii U. So what’s the big deal, right? I mean, who
cares what platform a game’s designed for? Well, couple things. First, mobile games and
console games are two different things. What makes a good mobile game doesn’t always make
a good console game. And secondly, even though mobile platforms are perfectly capable, technically…their
games tend to be simpler. Both in terms of gameplay and design. So when you take a mobile game, even a great
mobile game, and you try to pass it off as a console game? That’s when you run into problems.
Different things, different expectations. Of course, we’re presuming this is…a great
mobile game. Frankly, I’m not so sure I’d make that bet. Hello Kitty Kruisers is a very simple, very
basic, very…barren…version of Mario Kart. It’s a racing game for very young kids and
very cheap parents. It only costs two dollars in the App Store. And of course, it costs
20 dollars on the Wii U. Although, to be fair…with the in-app purchases and everything? Those
prices might be closer than they seem. At least with the Wii U version, you’re getting
all the tracks, all the content and all the characters. So it’s a complete game, for a
single transaction. Remember those days? Of course, the issue is…the complete game
isn’t very complete. Hello Kitty Kruisers has ten racers, which isn’t terrible. You
get Hello Kitty and some other Sanrio characters. But where the game gets sparse…is its track
selection. I mean, there are four tours, each with four tracks, so you have 16 tracks in
total. Kind of. Thing is, the tracks only have five settings, which means you’re always
going back to the same locations, over and over. It’s really, just…snow, space, village,
island, jungle. To call that 16 tracks is…kind of misleading. Now, the catch is that…you get to race though
each location with different vehicles. You have your standard go-kart races, but you
also have boat races and airplane races. So it’s got some of that Diddy Kong Racing vibe,
which is actually kind of cool. At the very least, you’re racing a different vehicle in
those locations. It’d be worse if you were always driving, so. I guess that’s one thing the game actually
gets right. So what doesn’t it get right? Holy crap, grab
a pen. I mean, the game’s kind of a mess. Hello Kitty Kruisers has some of the worst
AI I’ve ever seen in a racing game. There were times when I passed people…as they
were coming toward me. Yeah, that’s right, they’re going the wrong way. And the bad AI
isn’t the only problem. The hit detection’s even worse. And when you mix bad AI and bad hit detection?
You get this. Opponents stuck in walls. And seriously? It happens all the time. Fortunately, the game plays okay. It’s super
simple—you just accelerate and steer. You can launch weapons, a la Mario Kart, by pressing
the right trigger. That’s all there is to it, so it’s a good game for kids, at least.
It’s just not good. And it’s weird, too. Like, you have ten racers, right? But there doesn’t
seem to be any difference between them. Or at least, none that the game tells you
about. And actually, the same goes for the vehicles.
You get to pick from different planes, and boats, and go-karts. Guess what. They all
seem the same, and the game never tells you differently. And you know, as a mobile game…this would
be a pretty little game. It has a simple art style, really colorful…only problem is,
it’s supposed to be a console game. Not to say it doesn’t look nice, because it does…and
at the very least, it seems like they upped the resolution. But it’s, just…it’s all so empty. And on
a console that has Mario Kart 8? This just doesn’t cut it. This is more like
Mario Kart 64. Hello Kitty Kruisers is an okay little racing
game for kids. It supports four players, it’s easy to control…and again, it at least plays
well enough. And I don’t see kids caring too much about the mobile-ish design, or the bad
music. But as a Wii U game, it’s kind of embarrassing. Yes, there’s tilt controls, and there’s a
little map on the GamePad screen…but no matter how much Wii U you spill on it, Hello
Kitty Kruisers is, like…90 percent mobile game. And that’s 100 percent disappointing.

63 thoughts on “CGR Undertow – HELLO KITTY KRUISERS review for Nintendo Wii U

  1. You gotta feel hella awesome when you got everyone over on a friday night and rockin hello kitty kruisers.

  2. Derek, you need to stop subjecting yourself to this torture.
    I'm serious, I'm starting to worry for your health.

  3. Another soulless, depressing game for kids. Seriously Derek, stop using the term "a good game for kids." There is no such thing. There is either a good game or a bad game, then perhaps the good game happens to be good for kids, too. This "good game for kids" stamp is just another word of saying that an adult, fully functioning human being wouldn't like this game, but if you're young, naive and have no sense of quality you would. Fuck this game. And Hello Kitty.

  4. How to make this game amazing:
    1. DLC for flamethrowers, a metal soundtrack, quadruple the speed, patch the AI, and include knockoffs of CTR and Mario Kart levels, and I'll buy it no questions asked.
    2. See point 1

  5. She watched him fade into the distance, fists (as best as she could make them) clenched in indignant and kawaii fury.

  6. The main  problem with this is that it is so slow.  I was raised playing Burnout and Need for Speed, even Mario Kart is slow compared to those, but at least the speed in that is bearable.  The fastest these karts seam to go is 10 mph.  Forget water boarding, the government just found a new method of torture!

  7. "This is more like Mario Kart 64."
    Honestly, based on what I'm seeing, that seems like an insult to Mario Kart 64.

  8. Shitty games for adults aren't necessarily good games for kids. Why would a kid play this instead of Mario Kart? Sure, adults love Mario Kart but it's a great game for kids too, not this piece of crap.

  9. Wow, this looks horrible. It's bad enough that they're ripping off Mario Kart, but it's so… SLOW! Compared to even 50cc on Mario Kart 8, this is like taking a leisurely drive. It has some cute backgrounds but that's about all it seems to have going for it. And even with that, with only 5 locations (If I recall correctly) they're going to get old fast. Even for small children, I'd stick with Mario Kart 8. It even has some cute characters and locations (such as Isabelle from Animal Crossing and Sweet Sweet Canyon)

  10. I am in my late 30s and it still looks good to me. Very relaxing. It's nice to see a kart racer where you are not at the edge of your seat till the last second, when you are being robbed of your first place by a lucky draw.

  11. well there was a decent mobile port to ps3. modern combat by Gameloft. why does it work? a few reasons. online is ok, single player against bots is good and its $4 on psn, making a decent port for a decent price.

  12. I was tempted to buy this for £10 before finding out it's just a mobile game port. Maybe some day but for now it's a no. Good review

  13. and now this game is the holy grail for the wii u… yes just let that sink in….
    this game sells for over 100 dollars for a complete copy…. over 200 for a sealed copy…

  14. I'm in no way saying I like hello kitty but I think they missed a beat here, for you know, people who maybe grew up liking this, if they had put a bit more advanced stuff in it, it could have been a nostalgic game for some girls, or possibly some guys trying to get their girlfriend into gaming who never got into the whole mario scene or anything, I feel like that's what is also happening with sonic now, they're trying to appeal to the wrong audience. Hell have you seen the amount of people who download the Thomas the tank engine mod for skyrim just because they grew up with it and want it in a more adult game? Devs need to realise that things can age, having this with a couple of settings, maybe kid mode and racer mode or something where the two were nothing alike could have saved this title (possibly) and whilst mobile gaming is ok in it's own respect, a little texture upgrade and placing some more items or background wouldn't have been the hardest and redefining it as the enhanced console edition. Shame really, I'm sure it could have taken off in Japan at the very least if it had that extra competitiveness to it. Alas, I don't really care lol

  15. lol this game is selling for well over $150 now because nobody bought it.. if you have a copy i suggest selling it before values lower

  16. This game is one of the best games of all time better than skyrim, call of duty and Halo combined. I want a Hello kitty rpg, Hallo kitty fighting game, and a hello kitty third person shooter game. If there are Hello kitty games on Nintendo products there is no reason why Hello Kitty cannot be in Super Smash brothers.

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